x
humancomputer:

If you need me I’ll be in the bath watching lava on my television
x
x
x
Doctor: do you drink or smoke?
Me: no
Doctor: (under his breath) what a loser
x

In this country American means white. Everybody else has to hyphenate.

Toni Morrison (via soncisco)

(Source: howardtuniverse)

x

inbalanced:

that random moment when you suddenly remember someone who is no longer in your life and it feels like a knife through the chest

x

gorlt:

gorlt:

i’m horny but i don’t wanna masturbate because i’m tryna get right with god

you ever cum so hard ya legs start shaking n ya face get all sweaty and you hallucinate and see Jesus shakin his head no

x

suctioning:

Teacher: sit down
Me: drank

x
x
x
t0xic-illusi0n:

stewo:

this shit is fucked,
i would not trust that table.

omg
x
x
x
allie-hime:

This makes me so happy
x
explosivecake25:

"I said my sword was a tool of justice… Not used in anger. Not used for vengeance. But now… now I’m not so sure. And besides… This isn’t my sword."